oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
