I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
