I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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