Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
