if you like me you must not know who I am
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
