The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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