i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
