Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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