I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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