he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
