i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
