I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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