Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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