I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
