I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
