I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
