My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
