So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
