Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
