Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
