Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize
