I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
