Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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