he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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