my mouth tastes like poor choices
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
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