Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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