why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My vagina just recognized that song.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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