No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
