He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
