those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
