Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
