there's paper in my vomit.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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