Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
