the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
