so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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