No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
