i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
