This dress was meant to end up on your floor
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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