Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
