Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
