people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
