I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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