You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
