you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
