I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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