so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
it's great music for shaving your balls
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
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