Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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