I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
