Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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