super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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