one two three fourrrrnication!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
