so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
