you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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