you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
this boner is exhausting
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
