they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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