Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
