Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
