I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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