so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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