I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
