did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize