It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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