I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
