my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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