the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
