apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
