is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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