your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize