How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
