She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
