I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
