pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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