Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
