my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
