i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
