Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
