Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
