i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My feet surprised me
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