I cockslap morals
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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