Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
this hospital has no fireball
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
tell me about the fingering
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
