I will die if light touches me.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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