so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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