i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
