just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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