O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
