I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
