Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
