That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
