we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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